I always knew something was wrong with me. With all my symptoms, inability to stand, and everything else, there was no way that any of it was “normal”. There is just no way. I began searching for answers after quite a while of debilitating weakness in August 2013. That was the moment that I seriously tried to find out what was going. “What is wrong with me?” This was the turning point. I was put through a MRI of my brain (to this day I am not so sure it was clear like the report may have said). There were many other tests conducted, and came back “normal”. August of this year, I tried again. “What is wrong with me?” I would soon find out, but would I be able to really grasp it?
Finally, the last test I had would shed some light on what is going on with me. Why does it feel like I am dying? Why can’t I really do anything? Yesterday, I was told that I have neurocardiogenic syncope (NCS). Now I am not exactly sure what that means, other than I have a broken autonomic nervous system and my blood pressure drops upon standing. I will find out more in detail what all it is, later. One step at a time, I will get this figured out. God, my ever-present help, is the One who will help me to sort things out.
Lately in my reading plan, the one new concept that is standing out to me is wisdom. Are we going to be children of God who seek His wisdom? If I hadn’t kept seeking wisdom and continuing to search to find out what is going on with my body, it would be impossible to know how to treat it. I would still be asking myself if I was really crazy. God has been my provider through it all! The journey has been rough, but He has been my strength. Jeremiah 33:3 was my verse that I wanted to focus on during the test (tilt table) I underwent last week. “Call to me and I will answer you, I will tell you great unsearchable things that you do not know”. God knows what He is doing. We just need to be about seeking Him and His wisdom! He is our great Physician.
Even when we are tempted to give up, we need to keep going. Keep holding to Jesus, knowing He will get us through it! When we can’t go any further, He will be the One to carry us (when we let Him). Staying strong spiritually is so important for staying strong in the other dimensions of our lives (emotionally, mentally, physically, etc).