5/4/15 – What Do I Have to Give?

It’s been a rough evening. Ironic, since I was actually better physically during the day. Much I could agonize over. Much I could cry over. Instead, turning my eyes toward my Creator and thankful for the comforts I do. Though I came home feeling unwell and with a sorta heavy-heart, what do I have?

• I have God’s Word written on my heart.
• I have a comfortable bed to relax in.
• I have a working fan by my bed.
• I have medicine that helps my body. I notice when I have forgotten to take it. The only reason I didn’t forget to take it tonight, was because I felt unwell.
• I can watch my tv shows on my laptop.
• I have food to eat.

My list of thankfulness needs to be just as important (if not moreso) than my list of complaints and struggles. While it doesn’t take away my struggles, it adds to my reality… It adds to my life. It reminds me about what I have been given by my Creator… It reminds me of the Hope I have – that won’t be taken away by circumstances. One struggle I have tonight is, the reality that I can’t have a specific time with God. Some have those appointment times with God. My days are….imbalanced, and I am finding that reality difficult to handle tonight. Tomorrow has the potential to be better. My hope still remains in Christ, even when my days are imbalanced. Even though it’s imbalanced by symptoms I can’t control, God still loves me so much that He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for me and rose Him on the third day… just so He can be with me. It doesn’t have to “look” a certain way. I may not have much to offer, but He loves and cherishes what I do have to give.

Confession: I am a Food Hoarder!

Having many food allergies and restrictions, it is fairly easy to enter a “woe is me” state of mind. It can be easy to see what others have, that I just can’t have. It doesn’t mean I don’t celebrate what I can have. It just affects my spirit to see what my body cannot handle (and those needed restrictions). It can be harder to find food that I can have in a standard grocery store.

Meaning: When I find something that I can have and it’s not ridiculously expensive, I stock up.

Like crazy.
I stock up like crazy.
Some people hoard clothes.
I hoard food. Specialized food. Friendly food.

Quite honestly, I never would of guessed how it would affect me emotionally to have such food restrictions.

It can be really hard to cope with that, but I do. It is by God’s grace that I cope. God through His Holy Spirit consoles me, and helps me. God fulfills His promise to me in Isaiah 41:10 where it says, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand”. This is why I can celebrate what I can have, instead of the long list of my current food restrictions. Hard things that are found –everywhere – and in everything.

I don’t want to focus on what I can’t have, so I am not throwing that list here. I think it would just enable a sense of what I want to avoid- that pity I or others may feel. I want to be about celebrating. Not just today, but every day.

Instead, I want to celebrate gratitude.
Gratitude for what I can have.
Gratitude for my food stash.
Choosing an attitude of gratitude, because my overflowing cabinets are filled with food for just me to eat and enjoy.
Gratitude for the simple fact that I have never ran out of food.

Today, I began to clean off counters, rearrange things, and organize my food stash a little bit. I finished what I thought was all of my flour yesterday.

*Start to panic*
It’s naturally, right?

Anyway, the more cleaned off our counters, the more I would find.
Here is just the upper part of my gluten-free cabinet, for just my food.

God has blessed me tremendously!
Now, I still need all purpose flour.
Meaning: I need to restock on rice flour, tapioca starch, and potato starch.
But, I am tremendously blessed for what I do have!